Expect the Unexpected–or Your Heart’s True Desire

Two weeks ago was an emotional week for me and many others on my squad as we changed teams.  You’ve learned to be vulnerable with a tight knit community and then bam, a new team.  It was hard to say farewell, but it’s a healthy change for everyone.

Team changes were actually pretty tough for me. The night before they happened, I had a 1:1 with one of our coaches who flew out to debrief.  Her, along with the rest of leadership, felt that I would be a good fit for a Squad Leader.  I’ve been fighting the idea for a while—teammates have even told me, “I think you would be a great squad leader”.  But I denied that I would be a good fit and made the excuse that because I was part of logistics that I could never become a Team Leader or Squad Leader.   Most of this denial came from selfish ambitions. 

I came on the race to abandon things from home and to grow deeper with God.  I wanted this race to be a deep relationship with God and I didn’t want responsibilities, like leading others.  I was asked to be part of logistics, and even with that I had hesitations.  I would have to miss ministry at least once a week to work on logistical things.  When I was told that even that one day was still ministry (because I was working on things to serve my squad) I learned to be content with that.  And I was happy to be doing a job that was in the background of everything. 

But man, Team Leaders and Squad Leaders—I saw the work they had to put in.  TL’s have to talk with the ministry hosts, plan out team times, make rules, etc.  As part of logistics, I got a “behind the scene” view of what squad leading looks like—lots of work reading journey markers, scheduling 1:1’s, planning debriefs and mini debriefs, pouring into others….always busy and always on top of things.  And that is not what I wanted.

I wanted to be at one ministry site for the entire month because I love making connections with them and with the people at the ministry locations (Background: squad leaders the previous months only stayed with teams for a week or two and then moved on—they bounced around a lot).  I wanted to be part of a new team and get to know new people and grow deep and build another community. I didn’t want to feel unconnected.  I wanted to continue to build my relationship with God and dig deeper in his word and not be pulled in a million different directions.

When I finally surrendered my plans and what I wanted over to God, I got a new perspective.  First, God is in me and when I doubt my abilities to do something (which I doubted my abilities to serve my squad as a leader), I am doubting God.  I replaced that thought with, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” (Ps. 23:1).  He is leading me and when he is leading me, there is nothing I cannot do.  Then, I looked at all the situations I had a plan for and looked at God’s plan: I get to spend time with EACH and EVERY person and pour into them creating a unique community for others and myself.  Squad leaders stay with one team for the entire month for each country from now on (hmm…someone is listening!).  I have to dig even deeper into God and trust in him now more than ever with being a squad leader.  There is no way I can do this with my own strength.  I’m going to have to fight to spend time with the Lord on some occasions, but it’s going to be worth it.  So, let’s check that box off too (Growing more intimate with the Lord).  Lastly, I have three other amazing people I get to do life with and call my team and co-squad leaders—and these are people who I can already feel the deep connections forming.  Wow God.  You are so good and you know my heart.  I am beyond honored to lead with Kristen, Madison, and Jon!

And with that……drumroll please…… I give to you….

TEAM SOAR!

We came up with our team name while eating some MoMos (it’s a steamed or fried dumpling with veg/buff/chicken inside).  We were sitting at this little shop and we were asking God to reveal a name.  Jon got a picture of a golden eagle carrying something in its mouth.  Kristen also thought of Eagle/soaring.  Madison saw they symbolism of an Eagle just soaring through the sky (overarching vision-like God) and its ability to see all the details of life.  After they mentioned these things, I thought of the verse Isaiah 40:31 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.”  I thought of a mother eagle who when teaching her young to fly will help uplift the little one until it can fly on its own.  That’s what God does with us.  And that’s also part of being leaders for others—to help uplift them when learning and then release them when they are ready to soar themselves.

So there you have it….   God knew my heart all along and gave me what I didn’t think could even be a possibility.  “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened.” Matt 7:7-8