Mission Opposition!

 Inadequate. Faulty. Lacking. Meager. Inferior. Ungifted. Unseen.

These would be words that have flashed through my thoughts the past few weeks.  I don’t dream dreams often (that I can remember) and when I do, they don’t seem super significant.  I don’t have visions from God or have the ability to interpret others. I don’t get “prophetic” messages for the masses.  I don’t speak in tongues.  My worship is off pitch and out of tune.  Learning the language is hard and takes lots of repetition. Is there really anything I can add to this organization or the people around me?  What do I even have to offer?

Growing up, I feel like my church didn’t talk much about the Holy Spirit and even less about gifts of the Holy Spirit. Yes, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit was mentioned, and the trinity, but we never really dug deep into it.  Fruit of the Spirit was talked about, but gifts of the Holy Spirit?  Before I left for the WR, my preacher’s wife (we had just received the new pastor in July and this conversation happened in December) asked if I’d even been baptized in the Holy Spirit… and I probably had a deer in the headlights look.  I was baptized as a baby.  “No, the baptism of the Holy Spirit.” 

I first heard about a “prophesy mic” when I attended my friend’s charismatic church my freshmen year of college.  And last year on the WR I learned a lot more about the Holy Spirit and giftings; but it’s still fresh and needing a lot of study. 

I’ve had so many conversations with others lately, and they’ve made me feel inferior.  Not by how they are saying things (the people are so, so kind here), but by their giftings (speaking in tongues, prophesying, etc.) and profound knowledge of the Bible, God, Father, and Holy Spirit.  

As a child, I attended youth group with devotions every Sunday evening, but I never attended a Bible Study until college.  I never just sat around with friends debating and digging into scripture for hours and coming out with my head spinning and brand-new revelations.  I’ve never just worshipped with friends for hours.  I’ve never gone to prayer nights, where you literally pray (silently, out loud, and in your own prayer language) about everything and anything the Lord is burdening your heart with for 2 hours or more.  I’ve never had night after night just filled with God and learning more about Him.  And these people that I’ve been doing life with…they come hungry. Hungry for revelations. Hungry for truth. Hungry for growth.       

WARNING! Life on the mission field isn’t always easy.  Sometimes when you and/or the organization you are with are building kingdom ground (speaking truth and life into others, digging deep into scriptures), the enemy attacks, and attacks hard. Stealing joy; robbing by comparison; spreading decay through lies.

And if you don’t take those thoughts captive and renew your mind with scripture, it can be deadly.

Something God was teaching me about earlier this year is that to be love, is to be loved by God.  I’ve been telling person after person that they are seen, known, and loved by God, but comparison has robbed me of that lately…feeling unseen, unknown, unloved.  At prayer night on Tuesday, I basically asked God for someone to give me a word or something to show that I was seen.  He showed up through a hand laid on my shoulder through a silent prayer.  I didn’t even have to hear the words of the prayer…in that moment I knew it was God saying, I’m here.  I’m fighting for you.  I’m surrounding you in my love. 

Why are these thoughts even going through my head?!  Why am I even comparing? God loves me for who I am.  I don’t need to strive.  I can desire beautiful gifts; but if I don’t have them, it’s also okay.  It doesn’t make me any less of an instrument that can be useful for God and His glory.  We all can’t be arms; we all can’t be feet.  We need different parts to make the body complete.

So, back to the question: What do I even have to offer?  A surrendered and obedient soul (I mean, I left home again for 9.5 months because I heard Him say Africa), and a soul that is hungry to learn and grow. I may not dream dreams, have visions, have the gift of worship, or speak in tongues; but I have the Father’s love…a willingness to surrender and obey…and a heart after the Father’s! 

Here’s a spin on the parable of the talents/bag of gold: The three servants were basically given a task… “Go and make disciples” (Make the kingdom richer).  Two did, and multiplied the kingdom.  Not necessarily by their abilities, but their willingness to take the love of the Father into the world.  God is the only one who can change hearts, we are just vessels He uses.  The third.  Well, he did nothing because He didn’t know the heart of the Father and therefore sowed and reaped nothing.

God will use you where you are.

When people are around me, they feel peace, compassion, seen, and loved.  If I was squeezed like a tube of toothpaste or if I was a tea bag steeped in water… characteristics of the Father, fruit of the spirit, etc. would come out.  I’m a written epistle for all who come in contact to read…

Qualified. Gifted. Useful. Molded. Shaped… A VESSEL to bring glory to God. Amen.