It’s Been A Year

If you’ve been following my missionary journey including all of 2019, you know that August 3^rd is a date that will forever be in my heart.  Last year while on the race, I lost my grandma on this date.  She was 96 years old and lived a very good life.  I have no doubts that she was surrounded and embraced in the arms of Jesus as she passed away.

A good family friend of ours had visited her a few days before she passed away.  At the time, he had no idea that this would be his last visit with her and that she’d be heading home to be with the Lord in about 3 days.

During his visit, she was pretty unresponsive (very sleepy) like she had been the last few days and visits.  He read scripture to her and prayed and talked with her, not knowing if she could even hear him.  He had gone out into the hall to talk to one of the staff and then there was commotion in her room.  He came back and the next 15-20 minutes he spent with her was none other than what he would describe as worship and communion with the Lord.  She began talking about Jesus as her redeemer (repeatedly), singing Amazing Grace, talking about her faith, and meeting Jesus soon (again, he had no idea this would be one of her last days).   

Because of his sharing of this encounter, because of her belief in God, because she had been BLESSED with 96 years of beautiful life, and because this took away a lot pain she had been suffering through, I was at peace with being across an ocean and not being able to physically attend the funeral…or say goodbye.  Thankfully, technology allowed us to connect via video.  I grieved her death for about a week, but then it was back to the “race”. 

When I returned home in November, I re-grieved her death as I went through her belongings that were left to me, and experienced Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and my birthday without her.  And I believe I am re-grieving her death once again.  I experienced some more holiday firsts away from family this year since being in Rwanda.  And now, I will experience her one-year anniversary: not surrounded by family and at times feeling alone.  What God taught me last year though, was to lean back into his arms.  I’ve been spending my days in prayer and communion with Him.  It still doesn’t make it 100% perfect, but I know where I need to put my trust and hope. 

It’s also a bit more difficult, because on this date I’m not only grieving one death in our family, but two (as is my entire family).  11 years separation between losing my dad and losing my grandma: two people who, watched me grow up, supported me in school, sports, and all the activities I was involved in and cared for me and loved me deeply…two of my biggest fans and two people who passed down a lot of traits and characteristics to me. 

My dad- was fun loving.  He was a great storyteller (I loved how he would retell my first deer kill).  A jokester/teaser.  Cared for people well.  Gave a lot of people second chances (even by the employees he hired—a lot had come from bad situations but he gave them a chance).  He was social and could find a way to keep ANY conversation going.  He was a dare devil.  Outgoing.  He loved people well and would often put their needs first.  He taught me discipline and hard work (especially though the family business).  He was tough on us, but he only wanted the best.  He was an avid outdoorsman. I would say that his love for people was sincere, honest, and not boastful.    

My grandma was also fun loving.  Made friends so easily (everyone liked her).   She liked to be connected to others (you should have seen all the pen pals she had from ALL over!).  Loved to bake and share her goodies with others.  Always had the candy dish full.  Loved “running around” and doing errands.  You could find her at any yard sale.  She loved to road trip, bus trip, and travel.  She found the beauty in the little things—any car ride you would find her looking out her window and any time she sat on a bench while shopping you would find her people watching–eventually talking to some family and cooing over a baby or little child.  She loved looking at the Christmas lights and watching fireworks. She always had some project she was working on for the hospitals (sewing pillows, stuffed animals, or eye glass cases).  She loved to play games–SKIP-BO, UNO STACKO (friends, at 96 this lady still had skill!–but her favorite part was still watching it fall! haha), and BLEW IT were some of her favorites.  Sunday afternoons you could often find us at the farmhouse sharing in a meal and playing games until youth group.  Her love for people was kind, gentle, and not self seeking.

LVC Graduation: 2013

1 Surviving sister–however, all made it to their 90’s!

Christmas Eve 2018 (Before I left for the WR)

On the race, we shared our testimonies a lot.  At times, I felt guilty for sharing this.  How much worse do some people have it?  Some have lost parents at young ages.  Some lost many family members through a genocide- seeing family members killed with machetes in front of their eyes.  People have cancer.  People grew up in trash dumps, fighting for life every day.  People have grown up in refugee camps.  People don’t know their families.  People live day to day—not knowing where they are going to sleep at night or where they are going to get their next meal. 

We all experience life in a different way—all impacted differently.  What’s a struggle for one person, might be a strength for another and vice versa.  What I do know is, it’s not MY STORY that matters…it’s the STORY OF JESUS that flows through my story that matters.  It’s His story of redemption, of mercy, of grace, and of love.  And that’s what I have to remember.  We’ve all experienced different things, but it comes down to the fact that suffering, pain, sorrow, and death ends with Jesus.  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus comes that we may have life and have it to the FULL. (John 10:10).  This doesn’t mean we won’t have death, suffering, pain, disease, or hardships, but we have the ultimate gift and promise: an eternity with God:  If you DECLARE with our mouth that “Jesus is Lord” and BELIEVE in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be SAVED. (Romans 10:9).  You will experience hardship in this world, but then there will be an eternity in a world without the effects of SIN, a perfect world.  And so we keep our eyes fixed not on what is seen (temporary), but what is UNSEEN (eternal) (2 Corinthians 4:18).  We know that God is working all things for His good (Romans 8:28)

REJOICE IN GOD’S PROMISES!!!!!